“The Force Awakens” Review: Full Spoilers

First off, lets just get it out-of-the-way.

Han dies.

There. That’s the big one. That’s the one you tell that annoying guy at work to ruin the movie for him. That’ll show him for not telling you the password on the building changed and you had to stand outside like a fool and freeze your butt off (that never actually happened to me).

This is a good movie. Not sure yet where I would rank it in terms of the other Star Wars movies (I’ll post on that later). Yes, it’s a lot like A New Hope. Technically so is Return of the Jedi so this is the third time we’ve seen this movie and yet I still loved it. Some would say I have Star Wars blinders on but whatever. I say what I want. That’s what the internet is for.

The new characters are what made this movie awesome. I mean, yeah it’s great to see Harrison back but the new guys are so entertaining and breathe a lot of life into the franchise. There is no Anakin or Jar Jar. The new guys are all good. I love that one of the good guys is a stormtrooper. I love that the marketing led us to believe that Fin was force sensitive even though he’s not. I love that they didn’t show a single frame of Ray with the lightsaber. I love that they didn’t kill off Poe Dameron like they had originally planned; although he is the weakest of the new characters because he doesn’t have a lot to do after he doesn’t die.

BB-8 is amazing. I love that little guy and at the same time I want to kick him.

Kylo Ren, you douche bag. Yet, I’m excited to see him come back to the light side. That’s what’s going to happen right? I mean I know that’s the story of Darth Vader but Star Wars isn’t above repeating itself (there have been 3 Death Stars). Kylo Ren has sunk low. He killed his own dad for seemingly no reason and everyone loved his dad. Fans are going to love to hate Kylo.

The other two don’t do that much and I didn’t really care that they existed.

Snoke is Plagueis.

Luke wasn’t really in it that much and didn’t even have one line—but he still got paid $600,000 so good for him. I was fine with that but he has a lot of explaining to do in the next film. Why was he hiding? Why did he let the First Order rise up? Why did he leave a map so someone could find him? Why did he break it up into pieces? Who was he waiting for to come find him?

AND WHY ON EARTH DID R2 WAIT?

R2 was the biggest disappointment of the whole movie. Really confusing behaviour coming from that little guy. He leads to more questions than answers even though he kind of saves the day for some reason.

Finally I want to say one thing on the record. I want it posted on the internet so that you all know that I said it before anyone else.

People say Ray is Luke’s daughter. She isn’t.

People say Ray is a Kenobi. She isn’t.

I think she is Poe Dameron’s sister and that he is force sensitive.

That’s all I got.

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