Spoiler Free Review of “The Force Awakens”

Some people in my immediate social circle haven’t seen Star Wars yet so I’m post a spoiler free version of my review. They have one more month to see it. After then I’m post the spoilers and then cutting them out of my life. People who take a month and a half to see a Star Wars movie aren’t real friends anyway.

First off, lets just get it out-of-the-way.

— dies.

There. That’s the big one. That’s the one you tell that annoying guy at work to ruin the movie for him. That’ll show him for not telling you the password on the building changed and you had to stand outside like a fool and freeze your butt off (that never actually happened to me).

This is a — movie. Not sure yet where I would rank it in terms of the other Star Wars movies (I’ll post on that later). Yes, it’s – — —- A New Hope. Technically — — Return of the Jedi so this is the —– —- we’ve seen —- —– and yet I still —– it. Some would say I have Star Wars ——– on but whatever. I say what I want. That’s what the internet is for.

The new characters are what made this movie ——-. I mean, yeah it’s great to see ——— back but the new guys are so ———- and breathe a lot of —– into the franchise. There is no Anakin or Jar Jar. The new guys are all ——. I love that one of the —– —- is a stormtrooper. I love that the marketing led us to believe that — was —– ——— even though he’s not. I love that they didn’t show a single frame of — with the ———-. I love that they didn’t kill off — ——– like they had originally planned; although — is the weakest of the new characters because — doesn’t have a lot to do after — doesn’t die.

BB-8 is ——–. I —– that little guy and at the same time I want to kick him.

Kylo Ren, you ——- bag. Yet, I’m excited to see him —– back to the —– —-. That’s what’s going to happen right? I mean I know that’s the story of Darth Vader but Star Wars isn’t above repeating itself (there have been 3 —– —–). Kylo Ren has sunk low. He killed — — — for seemingly no reason and everyone loved — —. Fans are going to love to hate Kylo.

The other two don’t do that much and I didn’t really care that they existed.

Snoke is ——–.

—- wasn’t really — — that much and didn’t even have — —- but — still got paid $600,000 so good for —. I was fine with that but — has a lot of explaining to do in the next film. ————————? ——————————————? ————————————————————? ———————————? ———————————————?


R2 was the biggest ———————- of the whole movie. Really ————– behaviour coming from that little guy. He leads to more ————– than ———– even though he kind of —- — —- for some reason.

Finally I want to say one thing on the record. I want it posted on the internet so that you all know that I said it before anyone else.

People say Ray is Luke’s daughter. She isn’t.

People say Ray is a Kenobi. She isn’t.

I think she is Poe Dameron’s sister and that he is force sensitive.

That’s all I got. This was probably very confusing to read. Blame the people in my life who haven’t seen the movie yet. Check back the first Saturday in February.


20130114-124742.jpg   Beacon: Book 2 in the Ronos Trilogy    Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 6.15.05 AM

Available on Amazon.
Already Read it? Write a review on Goodreads.

“The Death of Jonas Wakefield”
Available on Amazon.
Already read it? Write a review on Goodreads.

Catalyst: Book 1 in the Ronos Trilogy
Available on Amazon.
Already read it? Write a review on Goodreads.

Beacon: Book 2 in the Ronos Trilogy
Available on Amazon.
Already read it? Write a review on Goodreads.

Eviscerate: Book 3 in the Ronos Trilogy
Coming soon!
Add it on Goodreads.

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