(Red) means you should not bother watching this movie.
First things first. When everyone knows the story there is no reason the run time needs to feel like four years. I got out of the movie and expected to see snow on the ground. It felt like forever.
I was willing to give this movie the benefit of the doubt. The first mistake I let slide was the fact that they expect me to buy that Kristen Stewart is hotter than Charlize Theron. Then there was the part when the evil queen takes over the castle and for no reason at all kills everyone except the kings daughter, Snow White. Snow White is trapped in a tower with only a small window to look out of. But she must not look out very often because one day she does and sees a nail sticking out of the side of the castle that she can use to escape. I assume she’s been in that tower for well over a decade. Why is she just now finding this nail that allows her to escape.
The movie goes downhill from there. I would love to just sit here and tell you about all the lame things about this movie but there is no time for that. I have things to do and that list is way too long (What’s with the magic deer they spend ten minutes to lead up to only to have it killed and turned into butterflies?)
I will show you in one picture why this movie is terrible.
That mushroom cut is pure evil…or at least it’s supposed to be. That dude is one of the main villains of the movie but I wanted to laugh every time he came on screen. It looks like he cuts his own hair. There is something very familiar about that dudes haircut.
That’s a picture of me when I was a kid. I have the same hair cut as this major hollywood villain. Tremble in fear before my prepubescent hairstyle!
No need to watch this movie. Instead you should practice cutting your own hair.