Haywire (Red)

(Red) means is sucks, don’t bother watching it.

This movie made me sleepy.  From the ads I thought it was going to be an action movie.  Since it comes out in January I knew it was going to be terrible but I’m fine with watching a terrible action movie.  Transporter 2 is one of my favourite bad movies.  I just watched it again with some of my family and we had a good time laughing at it.  But this movie isn’t even close to anything like that.  It will just make you sleepy.

I’ll say one good thing about it.  The action in it is awesome.  The fight scenes are cool.  The one between Gina Carrano and Michael Fassbender was sweet but in this 90 min movie the fight scenes only take up about 10 minutes.  The rest is filled with people talking in an attempt to conjure up a plot which doesn’t make much sense if you think about it too hard and with her running away from bad guys forever.  She is no Tom Cruise when she runs.  Not exciting to watch.

Oh wait, I thought of another cool thing about this movie.  Channing Tatum gets the crap beat out of him by a girl.  It’s awesome.  She totally makes him look like a fool.  Easily the best part of the movie but still not worth the price of the ticket.  If you have a super strong urge to see that try and find the clip online or wait until this movie ends up on Netflix.  Or if you are at the theater to see another movie (hopefully Mission: Impossible 4) and you see a screening of Haywire is about to start just pop in and watch the first few minutes because the beat down happens right at the beginning.

Everything else about this movie doesn’t work.  You have to struggle to remember whats going on and who all the characters are and what their motivations are.  It’s hard to pay attention to what people are doing when Antonio Banderas is on the screen because his beard is so ridiculous.

The reason this movie sucks has nothing to do with a girl being in the lead position and doing all the but kicking.  She is very good in the very few fight scenes there are and I totally bought that she was able to beat Channing Tatum stupid.  The trouble is they didn’t do that kind of thing often enough.  They thought that her running endlessly would be enough to entertain me and it wasn’t even close.  Her running mixed with the music that sounded like the B-side of the Ocean’s Eleven soundtrack was almost too much for me to handle.  It was a good thing I was seeing the movie for free.

Don’t see this movie.  It’s not worth it.  Not even a little bit.  For some reason it’s getting good buzz on Rotten Tomatoes but don’t listen to them.  It’s wicked boring.

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2 Responses to Haywire (Red)

  1. chelsey says:

    Baha! Antonio’s beard. Now I want to watch this movie!

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