Fast Five (yellow)

If you don’t know what the (yellow) means then click here.

I had high hopes for this movie being a brain dead racing movie with lame characters and even lamer dialog.  I went to this movie excited to see a bad movie.  The previous installments were no good but they were no good in a captivating way.  They are my top guilty pleasure movies.  I have no idea why I like them but I do.

This movie is better and worse than the other four films.  Better because it has more action and more of a story than the other ones but it’s worse because it’s so close to being a real movie that I have to hold it to new standards.

This isn’t a good bad movie and it’s not a good good movie.  Did that make sense?  Doesn’t matter.  I’m not rewriting it.  I got things to do today and no time to go over it again.

The one thing that did live down to my expectations was the laughable dialog.  There was a lot of that “this is a family” junk from the first movie that doesn’t really make sense. But the real dialog gold comes from The Rocks character.  It’s awesome.

Example.  Someone delivering good and bad news to him.  First he asks for his dessert (the good news) then he asks for his vegetables (bad news).  So sweet.  They tried so obviously to make The Rock the most BA character they could but most of what he does and says just makes me laugh.  Which is why I love his character so much.  He is the reason I will watch this movie someday when it is five bucks at Walmart.

The series has really matured since the first one.  The shirts have gone from being XXXL, which I guess was cool back then, to being three sizes too small.  The Rock looks like he had his shirt painted on.  It’s to the point where the shirt doesn’t really serve a purpose and he should have just done the whole movie without one.  That would have been enough to have me rolling on the ground laughing.  WHy does thinking about rolling on the theater floor make me hungry?

The real victim in this movie is the infrastructure in Rio.  When they are dragging that safe around they are tearing up the road and buildings in ways that defy the laws of physics.  I haven’t taken one physics class and I know that what they did was impossible.  It was the perfect amount of ridiculousness to entertain me and it looked very real for it being unrealistic.

There is a crazy part with Vin Diesel and the safe at the end of the movie but I don’t want to spoil it for you.  It’s worth the ticket price just to see how over the top that safe stuff gets.  If there was a video game for this movie that would be the best level.

I miss the street racing they had in the other movies.  There is only one scene with this and they don’t even show the race.  I read somewhere they are transitioning the series into heist movies.

For this movie it’s like the writers started writing an intricate and complicated heist movie and then when it got to hard to keep track of everything they said to themselves, “Screw it.  What if they just crashed through the wall and then used a couple cars to pull that safe around the streets.”

If you do go see this in theaters, recommended only for fans of the other movies; the level of sexuality and cursing is the same as the others, make sure you stay for halfway through the credits when there is a sweet cameo and a set up for the next film that reveals the Fast and Furious franchise plays by the same rules as Alias once did.  No one ever really dies.

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