The Fast and The Furious Franchise

Take a guess as to what my guilty pleasure movies are.  If you guessed Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist then you are wrong.  Kung-Pow is a legit cinematic masterpiece that should be studied for its greatness.  Also, that was the most random guess ever.  Obviously the answer is The Fast and The Furious movies.  That’s why it’s in the title of this post.

At work they asked me if the new movie Fast Five was going to be terrible or awesome.  The answer I gave them was “yes.”  That movie will be awesome and terrible or maybe awesome at being terrible.  Just like all the rest of the movies in the franchise.

None of them are good movies and I’m not even sure why I like them.  There is no reason for me to like them.  I don’t even like/know anything about cars or driving fast.  The life of a street racer isn’t something I identify with nor is it something I aspire to.  So why on earth do I have a Fast and Furious box set mixed in with my other movies?  I’m not really sure.

I bought it because my girlfriend hadn’t seen them all and we needed to catch up before the new one came out.  Now for no real reason I will rank them so that the random people on the internet will know what order I think they should go in based on how good they are:

  • The Fast and The Furious
  • Fast and Furious
  • The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious

 2 Fast 2 Furious was straight up boring.  I’m not sure that I will ever watch that one again.  No antagonism.  No story.  No acting. No Vin Diesel.  No reason to exist.  Also, in that movie Paul Walker hasn’t gotten over his strange fascination with wearing shirts that are way too big for him.  Was that cool in Miami back then?

 Tokyo Drift is all kinds of silly.  Nothing really makes sense.  Why are none of the protagonists Japanese?  What the heck is Bow Wow doing there?  Why does that Texan kid get sent to Japan instead of Jail?  But without Tokyo Drift we wouldn’t have the Character of Han and because Han dies in Tokyo drift (spoiler I guess but not really because spoilers don’t count for bad movies) we know that the fourth and fifth movie take place before Tokyo Drift.

Han and Vin Diesel are in Tokyo Drift so we know that they will be safe in Fast five but after a major death in the fourth movie will Paul Walker or Jordana Brewster be safe?  Let’s hope that if anyone dies it’s Tyrese.

The franchise isn’t slowing down right away (by the way while watching the movies with my girlfriend I couldn’t help but observe that a lot of their problems could be solved by slowing down or just not driving period.  Wouldn’t it be easier to steal a gas truck when the truck is parked?).  Dwayne Johnson is getting his own spin off movie and there is a sixth one in the works.  No word on what the confusing title is going to be.

My vote is for Drive Furiously.

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