Frequent readers (both of you) will know that my car is SBS (Stinging Bullet of Shame). If you don’t know then I will update you on the shame that is SBS.
I have never washed the outside of SBS. I haven’t washed any of my cars since that fateful summer when my car was stolen twice in three weeks. After that I figured there was no point and gave up. If you’re wondering it was a 94 Plymouth Acclaim named Jerkpants and I miss him everyday.
There is no gas cap in SBS. I’m not sure where it went. I put posters up but there have been no phone calls. The reward I offered for my missing gas cap was a bear hug with slight swaying. Because I don’t have a gas cap I’ve stopped filling up all the way in case something spills out while I’m driving.
The hood of SBS is contorted. It’s only a matter of time before it pops up like in Tommy Boy.
There is no driver’s side mirror. Someone knocked it off and didn’t bother leaving a note. I guess the saw the condition of the car and realized it wasn’t a big deal to add a little bit more damage. No one would even notice.
SBS is so loud people can hear me coming blocks away. It’s only a matter of time before it shuts down completely. I thought it would happen sooner so I stopped cleaning the inside of it. Right now the trunk is full and the back seat is half full of random junk and garbage.
And it smells weird.
And I don’t lock it because I figure if someone is so desperate that they decided to steal a car like SBS then they can just have it.
It’s a miracle that SBS made it through the winter. I both want it to keep on living (I have no money to replace it) and want it to break so I can move on. It’s a complicated relationship.