Christmas Socks

Hey look.  It’s my Christmas socks.  That must mean it’s snowing in Edmonton (Edmonton is the city I live in not just some random city I chose for deciding when to wear Christmas socks).

I know it snowed a bit in October but that didn’t last long.  This snow that we are getting right now looks like it’s here to stay.  Which is fine with me.  Although I do work outside, this year I’m going back to part-time and staying inside on my days off.

Back to the socks.  The Christmas socks.  But I decided that these are more than Christmas socks.  These are there-is-snow-on-the-ground socks.  I decided this arbitrarily not because they keep my feet warm.  Because they don’t.  They are just for show.

You know how the build up for Christmas starts in November?  Did you notice that the Christmas spirit ends on Boxing Day?  I think it gets chased away by that guy in Best Buy shouting through a mega phone about the price of big screen HD TV’s.

I want to keep the Christmas spirit around for longer than one day after Christmas.  So I have decided to wear my Christmas socks until the snow leaves the ground.  In Edmonton that is sometime around April.  But I guess this is supposed to be one of the worst winters we’ve had in while so I will plan to wear these until August.

This is my strategy.

For extra warmth I will wear a second pair of socks over the Christmas socks.  That’s why on somedays it will seem like I’m not wearing the Christmas socks but I really am.  The Christmas socks are a tight-fitting, thin sock so it will be no problem to pull another pair over top of them.

For the cleanliness issue it’s as simple as wearing them in the shower.  I’m not sure if shampoo and bar soap are good for Christmas socks so I think I’ll have to put some detergent in the shower for the next few months.  That’s sure to raise an eyebrow from my Chinese roommate.  Good thing I have this blog to point him to for an explanation.

To dry the socks off I will just crank the heat in my apartment and then rest my feet on the heater.  It’s reachable from my desk.  I had my feet up there all day yesterday.

I can already hear the doubters of my strategy.  You don’t think that my shower cleaning method will effectively remove all the foot sweat from the socks and if I put my socked feet on the heat register then it will just distribute the smell of foot sweat throughout the room.  First off you’re wrong.  Second, there is an outlet right near where my feet will be.  I will put in some kind of air freshener just for you.  Now you will be able to sleep at night.

So as of today my feet will not see the light of day until there is no snow on the ground or, if my sources in the farmers almanac are right, until August.

No hairy goinks until I can expose them to sunlight and grass.

Also, extra points if you can tell me what a hairy goink is.  You won’t be able to use technology.  I googled it and the right answer did not come up.  Your only hint is that it can get hairy.

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4 Responses to Christmas Socks

  1. Lori/Mommmmy says:

    I needed to read that this morning! Thanks for cheering me up and making wonder about your terminology, or spelling or definintions or something like that. I am so proud to be the mom of your humor!

  2. ebezovie says:

    Wait, so you’re not taking them off at all? What if you get an ingrown toenail or other foot related, life-threatening disease? That’s gonna be some intense toe-jam.

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