It’s not enough that my car is ugly and my girlfriend is embarrassed to ride in it with me. It’s not enough that it is so loud that people can here me coming several blocks away. It’s not enough that it gobbles up oil almost as fast as it goes through gas. It’s not enough that the hood latches so poorly that I feel it is only a matter of time before it flips up Tommy Boy style while I’m cruising the Anthony Henday. But my car, the Stinging Bullet of Shame (SBS), also likes to test my memory.
If I don’t remember that my lights are on, SBS won’t remind me they are on. It will just sit there and do nothing. A nice car will have some kind of beeping noise to remind you you’ve done or about to do something foolish. I leave my car, come back several hours later and it won’t start. SBS is laughing at me and I feel like an idiot.
Why do I feel like an idiot? Think about it. How could you not notice that you left your car lights on? Because you turned them on during the day. SBS makes me feel like an idiot because every once and a while, for reasons unknown, I subconsciously flip on the lights during the daytime when they don’t need to be on.
Who does that? What kind of weirdo am I? Do you see how SBS is making me feel ashamed of the weird way I turn lights on for no reason?
I promise I’m not afraid of the dark.
The other day I did this foolish thing of leaving the lights on. Normally it’s not a big deal. I just get Jamie to boost me. But this time I parked in Visitor parking. There were cars parked on either side of me and for some magical reason SBS couldn’t be put into neutral. Not a big deal. I only work one day a week so I only need to drive SBS one day a week.
Except that this time SBS cost me the chance to see Megamind with my girlfriend. Do you know how many times she has said, “I really wish you could have seen Megamind with us. It was so funny. Seriously, you need to watch that movie.” At least seven times.
Thanks a lot SBS. And you wonder why I never clean you.