Quick Reviews

Cover of

Cover of Pirate Latitudes: A Novel

Been busy working and getting lost in the wilderness so I have been neglecting my reviews. Someday I will write full reviews for these but for now you will have to be satisfied with these short reviews.

Toy Story 3 (Green)
I love Pixar and I love this movie. It was the perfect ending to the toys story and if I wasn’t such a Douche Bag I might have even gotten teary eyed. For sure I got nostalgic for my Ninja Turtle toys and wondered where they were and what they were up to. Hope whoever has them is treating them right.

The only bad thing I have to say about this movie is that Pixar is so incredibly good at coming up with awesome original stories that it’s a waste of creativity to go back to the same world of toys three times. I love this movie but I would have rather seen an all new Pixar movie.

Despicable Me (Green)
Solid animated movie for not being Pixar. It doesn’t have the heart of Toy Story 3 but I laughed more at this movie. The minions make this movie. I didn’t expect a lot and was pleasantly surprised with an entertaining children’s movie (unlike Toy Story 3 which is just a straight up entertaining movie).

Salt (Yellow)
Salt is the worst title for a movie ever. They didn’t even use a Salt pun. Didn’t even use the word assaulted. So disappointed. Not the best movie ever but not unwatchable. Wait for the DVD. It’s not worth the ticket price.

At one point Tom Cruise Had a choice between this movie and Knight and Day. He made the wrong choice.

Step-Up 3D (GRED)
Yes! The first (GRED) movie of the year!

Just so you know (GRED) means it’s so bad it’s good. But not good enough to see in theaters. Wait until it comes out on DVD, invite some friends over, and laugh at it together in the comfort of your home.

Stupidly simple plot. Horrible dialog delivered by professional dancers who can’t act. I laughed a bunch of times. It’s great. It also made me realize that 3D has a home in lame movies. They are already bad; the 3D can’t ruin what’s already ruined,

Best line (said in a monotone voice in what’s supposed to be a heated argument): “You better check yourself… Fricken ridiculous.”

The Other Guys (Green)
It’s no Anchorman but I still laughed more then I thought I would. I think it’s the best Will Farrel movie since the awesomeness that is Anchorman. Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock aren’t in it for very long but their exit was amazing as was the cast reaction to it. Mark Wahlberg rocked as the angry guy and his lion vs. Tuna rant was alomst as funny as Will Farrells retort.

The only flaw is it falls into the trap of cop movie clichés and the third act lacked the comedy that held strong for the rest of the movie.

But it’s still worth a viewing.

The Expendables (GRED)
GRED) but very close to just being (RED).

Old men fighting. One liners. No plot. Millions of bullets.

Watching Sylvester Stallone run is so funny it’s almost worth the price of admission.

Under the Dome (Red) By Stephen King
Starts out strong but ends as horribly as possible. It’s a very long book with a bunch of subplots. Most of them end with someone getting shot in the head. Which I guess is creative cause I never would have thought to do that twelve times in a row.

The ending is so uninspired it’s laughable. All the interesting parts are skipped over and all the lame Crystal Meth drug trips have pages and pages devoted to them.

The characters are cookie cutters of each other. The villain is an old man with a bad heart who people can’t say no to. For most of the book the Dome is just a background thought while they deal with people who are either way to dumb or way to crazy to ever be believable. Good luck trying to suspend your disbelief.

The villains name is Big Jim. His son is named Junior but in my heart I know there is a rough draft of this book where Junior goes by the name Slim Jim.

Pirate Latitudes (Yellow) By Michael Crichton
Michael Crichton is one of my favorite authors (everyone needs to read Timeline) but this book was very disappointing. Almost everything that happens in this book happens in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. The only original stuff was the ship to ship battles. And they were cool enough to bump this from a (red) to a (yellow).

This book was found after Michael Crichton died. I wonder if he didn’t try to publish it while he was alive because he knew it wasn’t up to par with his other work. This definitely feels like a cash grab.

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